Love
is like dying.
I scream until there’s nothing left,
I don’t want this anymore,
Enough is enough
And we’re done.
I don’t want to feel a thing anymore.
The pain overrides my thoughts,
You’ve made my worst bad dream come true,
The thought of you, is like a nightmare,
In the dead of night,
The ghost’s in the walls,
Are making the world
shake underground,
Just like the
hearse, you die to get in again
maybe I had said, something that was wrong,
maybe I had said, something that was wrong,
Can I make it
better, with the lights turned on?
Can I be, was I
there, it felt so crystal,
I still want to
drowned, whenever you’re near
Please teach me
gently how to breathe.
Okay, so this one is a little harder for me to understand (but that's okay, don't go changing it if it works for you!) but I'll do my best. The story that comes to my mind while reading this is a person who is deeply in love with someone but for whatever reason are unable to express that love. They are practically driven crazy and want nothing more than it all to stop. What I get from the last three lines is maybe they are able to finally express that love but they need to take it as slow as possible, to learn how to breathe? I think it conjures up great images and portrays complicated love well. Other than that I would suggest changing around the punctuation. I'm sure you know but with poetry you read it the same as a sentence--only stopping when the punctuation allows. So maybe try to add a few moree periods where they work as reading so much on so few breaths can be difficult.
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