um..

New year, Time for change.
But what if I Don't want to change,
What if I don't actually know HOW to change.
I have a built up need for change, but every inch
of my body is telling me to stay the same.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anxiety runs through me,
pulsing, pulsing.
New years resolutions.
weight loss remedies
new year, new me.

I sink down in my chair, and try to hide from it all.
I feel my heart beating faster, faster.
I break down.
I start to cry..

why am I crying.
I can be who ever I want to be, and do what ever I want.
Society can't conform me into a box, like everyone else.
Screw society.

Wait... I am society.

Painless sleep

I lie here. awake.
Thoughts wandering about my brain.
All the what ifs,
who cares,
why this,
I have to do that.
All the pain, one person can endure.
Is a sure cause for sleepless nights.
But pain, is just a memory.
Of a once happy time.
To feel pain.
Is better.
than not feeling anything at all.

New flame

I want to talk to you
I want to know you
but you're far away
hard to reach.
I want to give you my bones, my brain, my heart.
But you are far, even though your so close.
I hardly know you, do I even want you?

Word Vomit

Some people talk,
just to hear
the sound of their own voice.
A constant Murmur of ciaos and meaningless vowels.
As if their brains shut off for a moment, and let their stomach do the talking.

Gone

Why do I constantly obsess over people who leave my life.
You're gone, and looking at pictures of you, and your happy life,
won't make you be apart of mine anymore.
If it was so easy for you to come in and out of my life,
why is it so hard for me to get you out of my brain.

Awake

I remember being wide awake
and thinking.
thinking about everything.
The stars, the sky,
things that didn't make sense to me.
human existence, how one person could withhold so much beauty.
Why some people can't just tell you how they really feel, or how
math is so difficult, how there could be another person in the world
who looks oddly familiar to you. Like a twin, or a close cousin.
Why being stressed makes you lose your hair, or deprive you of your
nature hair color, causing the strands to turn light grey.
How looking into the eyes of a cat, gives you an odd sense that
the eyes you're peering into once belonged to someone else, now
that soul is forced to live its existence in another body.
But maybe that's how we all live, waiting to be done with this body
so that maybe we can relive our faults in another.
I guess you could call in sleep deprivation.
I call it an imagination.
I hold mine very close, and hope it never slips away.

Desperate

Why do I fall in love
with every guy I see
who gives me a second glance,
or a smile
a nod
am I really so desperate
as to fall in love with anyone?