Painless sleep

I lie here. awake.
Thoughts wandering about my brain.
All the what ifs,
who cares,
why this,
I have to do that.
All the pain, one person can endure.
Is a sure cause for sleepless nights.
But pain, is just a memory.
Of a once happy time.
To feel pain.
Is better.
than not feeling anything at all.

New flame

I want to talk to you
I want to know you
but you're far away
hard to reach.
I want to give you my bones, my brain, my heart.
But you are far, even though your so close.
I hardly know you, do I even want you?

Word Vomit

Some people talk,
just to hear
the sound of their own voice.
A constant Murmur of ciaos and meaningless vowels.
As if their brains shut off for a moment, and let their stomach do the talking.

Gone

Why do I constantly obsess over people who leave my life.
You're gone, and looking at pictures of you, and your happy life,
won't make you be apart of mine anymore.
If it was so easy for you to come in and out of my life,
why is it so hard for me to get you out of my brain.

Awake

I remember being wide awake
and thinking.
thinking about everything.
The stars, the sky,
things that didn't make sense to me.
human existence, how one person could withhold so much beauty.
Why some people can't just tell you how they really feel, or how
math is so difficult, how there could be another person in the world
who looks oddly familiar to you. Like a twin, or a close cousin.
Why being stressed makes you lose your hair, or deprive you of your
nature hair color, causing the strands to turn light grey.
How looking into the eyes of a cat, gives you an odd sense that
the eyes you're peering into once belonged to someone else, now
that soul is forced to live its existence in another body.
But maybe that's how we all live, waiting to be done with this body
so that maybe we can relive our faults in another.
I guess you could call in sleep deprivation.
I call it an imagination.
I hold mine very close, and hope it never slips away.

Desperate

Why do I fall in love
with every guy I see
who gives me a second glance,
or a smile
a nod
am I really so desperate
as to fall in love with anyone?

Just breathe

You mustn't be afraid of life.
life is a beautiful thing
us, happy or sad, living.
to live, to love, to laugh.
Just breathe.
and go on.
your bones moving,
blood flowing.
Just breathe.
and live.
 

Lost. again.

My thoughts are stars that I can't fathom into constellations (John Green)
My breath is heavy, but weak with anticipation.
You've lost yourself.
Your brain lets go, troubled spirits on your chest.
You look to the sky for answers.
Those many stars, vacant and weak, some bright and bold.
You want to be the bright, the bold and glowing.
but you can't, you're weak and sad.
You've lost your glow, your bright, your bold.
You've lost yourself

More alcohol, please

After a while
the rum starts tasting the same.
No cares, no worries.
nothing but flurries, in my brain.
I only have myself to blame.
No one cares, or even knows my name.
3 more shots, and everyone looks the same.
I can't live with myself.
so whats the point.

rage

I want change.
I'm sick of all this rage.
hold it in,
hiding it away.
its painful.
I feel so cold, vacant, bitter.

I'm locked up in a cage,
despite all my rage.

insane

Rain pours,
thunder shakes,
i'm sad,
what is it going to take..
to make you come back?

tired eyes.
messed up minds.
sad faces,
make believe places..

my brain is a weird place to be.
more insane, with everyday you're not here.

To live

All I see around me are people.
People craving,
craving to live.
life
live
living
Is it so wrong that I too want to live?
Be alive,
what is it to truly live..?
I want it, more than anything.
To be alive and live the life I was meant to.

Drift away

I'm drifting away,
these dreams, thoughts, imaginations.
They take me somewhere new,
more exciting than this drab, dreary place.
This isn't about you anymore,
i'm going away.
Packed my suit case the other day.

My brain has capsized.
stress
pain
love
hate
I need to get away from here.

Drifting
drift
drift away.

Let me get away
just
for
a
day.

Never less, Never more

Don't talk about yesterday, or tomorrows,
lets talk about now.
where are we?
who are we?
when will we be who we've always wanted to be?
questions fill our heads like endless quotations, and what ifs, who cares, so what's.
the endless stream of thoughts ransack my brain.
who ever thought life was simple, or easy, obviously wasn't living...

I want to be this, and do that, and see all.
But by the time I can, and have money, and life sorted out for a few minutes.
I'll be tired, and old, and wrinkles will start to appear on my skin.
like a little scaly reminder that my years have ticked   on and on,
and the little life that's still in me... Will soon be gone.

P.R

She lied, then I cried, then he came inside,
now shes burning a high way to hell.
Shut the fuck up when I'm trying to think
I've got to keep my concentration, give me one more drink.
Then I try to remember all the advice that my good lord told me.
And all the lost souls say..
Everyday I wake up alone.
Just kill
me.

Utterly useless

Stop.
Start.
Stop...
Start.
All these endless possibilites are getting to my brain.
Do this, Do that.
Make a decision.. NOW
But don't be wrong.
Start.
....
Stop.
repeat.
How do I know what I want, I've only been on this earth 19 years.
Thats nothing.
And when I think of that, my brain starts to think of how utterly useless I am to this world..
Compared to a planet, I am a speck.
Compared to the moon, I am dust.
Compared to the universe, or even heaven, I am utterly useless..
But my brain is ever growing, and learning, every minute, second, hour, of every day.
So I must mean something to this world..
Right?

Silence

The sound of silence.
Its awfully loud,
at this time of night.

My ears caress the sound waves,
and they enter my head.
My brain is running, running,
thoughts racing through my head.

I lie in this empty bed,
nostalgia waving over my head.

What am I kidding,
happiness is for the rich.

I,
 a poor,
 lonely soul.

Forgotten,
 possibly dead...

Thoughts.

Sometimes change is good,
but its hard leaving the people
you once loved behind.

I believe you become an adult,
the day you stop trying to get even with someone,
and start seeing why that person hurt you and trying to fix it.

You must love,
love everyone and everything.

Because we  hurt those we love the most.

and you never know when they might be..

gone.

Stardust in my veins

All I see around me are beautiful people.
I wonder, to myself.
"Why can't I too, be a beautiful person?"
But everyone is beautiful
In their own way.
Whether it be,
in the way they
walk,
talk,
think,
But I hope to be as beautiful,
as the cosmos...
Inside, and out.
Stardust in my veins.

Over

We sat in your car,
silence between us.
Our words vacant,
our minds screaming.
I looked into your sad eyes,
and knew.

Things were over,
before they even started.

For you

Happiness isn't something you do,
its something you feel,
its apart of you,
its apart of me.

To be happy with you,
is my one and only dream.

But..

My days have been dark,
and I've been alone,

So kiss me hard,
before you go.

I want to be where you are,
I want to go where ever you go.
I want to see all there is to see,
and I want to be all that I can be.

for you.

You're in my veins, you fuck.

You're an angel,
a Saint.
You've saved me from my ways.

You're beautiful,
you're soul collides with mine,
in an inner-coalition of light.

I have no reason to love you,
but I do,
I do,
I do.

Violate.

He stares at me, silently. 

bottle of whiskey in hand.

I'm suffering slowly, but he can't seem to understand.

That shiver down my spine, is pain, not delight. 

my back bone non-existent, when we start to Fight.

blood pulsates through my veins. 

Its the only thing keeping me alive.

this life isn't worth fighting.

for another damn night. 

Remorse

The night is coming to an end,
as I lay here, silent in my bed.
Tears roll down my face,
and I sigh, wishing I were dead.

I thought we had something,
I felt you in my bones,
My soul feels empty,
this doesn't feel like home.

I cannot explain the thoughts racing through my brain.
Your face is implanted in my memory,
and with every beat of my heart, there is ache and there is pain.

another, love.

Its better to feel pain,
than nothing at all.

I love you,
I love you,
I love you,

But these tears in my eyes
can no longer hide behind my
crimson lipped smile.

the cracks in my lips
are deep and ridged,
they represent the lack of kissing
i am getting.

my shoulders are sore, and ridged,
you haven't hugged them
since...

All my tears are being used up on another, love.

Little bird

I don't want to hear about this bad blood anymore.
You pulsate,
you run through my veins.

I want you,
but I must hide you away.

If the others see you,
they will take you away

So,
we must run,
run,
run,
away..

take flight little bird.

heart beat.

Your sweet lips, intertwine with mine.
The tip of your nose rubs gently against my face.
The taste of your tongue overwhelms my taste buds.
The pace of your heart beats faster and faster,
as it positions itself closer to mine.

you.

I just thought I'd let you know
these things take forever,
I am especially slow.

sorry.

I love you.
But don't know what to do.
Are my feelings real.
Am I just desperately trying to fill the hole in my soul?
You are everything.
You are what I've been searching for.
I push you away because i'm afraid.
I don't want you to see who I really am.
A darkness, a blackhole.
run, away, don't come any closer.
I'll hurt you, and me.
and I can't have that be.
please.

stranger

I don't know me anymore.
Hello stranger,
who am I?
Please tell me
why I feel the way I do.
Why there are sad marks on my arms,
why I get a pain in my chest when I think of him,
My past haunts me, like a confused ghost.
The expression on my face is lugubrious.
It pains me to speak,
it fills me with sorrow to smile.
But why,
why stranger..
why?

Wounded

Blood dripping onto the floor,
Razor in hand.
The pain in my wrist is appealing,
but the pain in my heart is overpowering.
Should I cry?
Can I cry.
It pains me to hurt you.
So I create my own pain,
so that you'll never have to feel
the war that goes on inside my head.
Its a battle zone,
and I am nothing
but a wounded soldier.

Only you.

Sleepy eyes, Tired thighs.

My brain is wired with you. 

I look at you, and see happiness

 in those speckled brown eyes.

You make me smile, you make me laugh. 

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Your words haunt me, with delight.

That smile could create world peace. 

Your hands linger on my face,

your lips touch mine.

the sky above us, 

and the gravel below.

throwing rocks, because

we make our own shows. 

You run circles around my brain,

my thoughts get jumbled, 

I trip all over myself. 

But being with you, 

is worth every 

stumble,

trip,

and fall.

Loving him.

Before him,
my walls were crashing down,
my life was ending,
the scars on my arms were vivid and red,
my smile hidden, my eyes sad.
After him,
My walls are held up with glue,
my life is a constant adventure,
the scars on my arm are fading and grey,
My smile is exuberant, my eyes light up when I see him.
He is my missing piece, now my puzzle is complete...

His smooth lips

Your eyes draw me in,
your arms keep me there,
your lips against mine.
I produce a small giggle,
your eyes light up.
we are together,
here,
now,
forever.

FIRE (cop out)

We surround the fire.
It burst, sparks, and ignites.
We huddle to stay warm,
the ice beneath our feet,
crackling, and breaking.
We laugh, and we sing,
you, and me.
baby, we've got everything.

HIM

His chin, covered in little whiskers.
His neck, spotted with little hairs.
His dimples...
He smiles at me,
He makes me laugh,
You are something special,
Loving you is something crucial.

Trigger

Trigger warning,
cutting is beautiful,
scars are handsome,
blood is glory,
pain is vain.
your suffering is gorgeous, they say.
I can't believe, that my pain, my blood,
my skin being sliced, is a thing of beauty.
Its suffrage.
Its torture.
Please save me from my self.
Just for tonight.

Control

Don't say I love you, when we both know you don't mean it.
Don't smile at me, when I can clearly see the look of hate in your eyes.
 The aroma of your madness, draws me near.
I gasp for air, but you keep sucking me in.
The pain clutches onto my lungs, and tears pour out of my eyes.
When it is all said and through. I'm left with a permanent frown upon my face.
My eyes are dead, and my brain is thoughtless.
You've left me vacant, and un loved.
my happiness is no longer mine, but yours.
And you are now the controller.

Dark shadow.

My thoughts darken as I lay in this empty space,
the place next to me somehow feels like a grave.
You use to lie next to me, with that smirk on your face.
Your arms around me, holding me tight.
Tonight, I say, lets just lay here, as I intertwine with you.
The goosebumps form on my skin, as your cold fingers touch me.
I don't have the strength to stay away from you, you pull me closer.
My body goes limp, my thoughts are no longer dark.
But when I wake up from the once gleaming dream.
My heart burst in two. My eyes are forgetful, and my mind hates you.
The sadness over powers me, and my dark shadow appears to me again.
where is the light in this dark room, I needn't a shadow to remember you.

Darlin i'm lost.

I try to let you in, these hopes, these fears,
these changes.
They just mess me up in the head.
I fumble, then crumble.
I cry and ask why.
I can't say what I mean,
and mean what I say.
Darlin i'm lost.
But for you ill be anything.

Runaway

Your eyes, deep and mysterious.
That wall you hide behind,
is starting to decay, its crumbling.
I need you
I want you.
Come away with me.
oh love, lets just run away.

Depressed I.

Sadness gleaming, you could be happy..

you sit there in your sorrows,

all the things you wish you had not said.

Its all just madness in your head.

You don't want me.. you don't need me.

I don't want me, I don't need me.

Take that medicine, sitting upon your shelf.

Make believe that it helps.

Pick it up, and start all over again.

Listen to those words people say

over, and over.

Make sure you smile.

But do you really mean it?

Does the frown in your mind,

match the tense smile on your face..

Do people believe you when you say,

“yeah, sure, I'm OK.”

Will they believe you when you have,

red stains on your wrist, and a big hole in your head.

Yeah...they'll believe you then.